Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Bottle it Up

I recently realized that I am in a state of immobility. I feel as if people are moving around me at lightening speed, while I simply participate by making cameos in their busy lives. KM is in Spain, BD, ML, SS, all left for Kentucky, JH has drum corps every weekend and will be leaving on tour soon, MR recently got back from Indiana, and my mother has been busy flying to Denver, driving to Ocean City, and back home periodically.
I go to work, take care of the apartment, and then hang out with physical memories. JM is one of the best examples, an old flame who has returned to the friend zone. I enjoy hanging out with him even though his visits are often ladened with awkwardness left over from not enough closer. Our break up was rough and it's pointless to bring up a sore subject, that will be impossible to let go if discussed again.
MH doesn't embody the girl I remember so much as crush the memory of who I knew the first few years we were friends. This is not a bad thing, she's just different, to the point where she sometimes concerns me. I have told her about it, but I know she's a big girl and can take care of herself.
I do things, I'm not bored. I'm just wavering from the consistency of familiarity in my life right now. I know my apartment, I know work, and I know my friends well. I just want to experience difference in my routine. I am of the disorder of loving change and the unknown. I get restless if everything stays the same for to long.

As my mother has always said: "Familiarity breeds contempt."

Well I agree, hopefully I will experience something new soon...before I break out in hives...

more on this later

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