I Don't Know If I Should Stay

I am generally a happy person, never been the type to be incredible negative, although I definately have an anxiety problem.

So what brings me to where I am today is my stress and anger management issues...I am covered in ink. So are my walls and ceiling, laptop, hands, arms, face, and phone. Plenty of factors have been causing me headaches, insomnia, and mood swings. So while trying to curb the edge of my anger -brought on by stress- I tried counting, breathing, meditating, screaming into a pillow, etc. None of these worked. I found a pen, and snapped it in half. Finally relieved I opened my eyes to horror. Well if you can call it that. I have honestly never felt such a rush of emotions, as I did in that moment. I immediately started to hysterically laugh, as the jet black (water proof) liquid ink dripped down the walls (and my face). Then I began to cry, tears weren't even coming out. Needless to say I wasn't angry anymore.

I called my sister S, she laughed. While I was explaining it, the reasons behind everything I did and how I decided to fix things just seemed so stupid. But my current situation was lacking everything but an impending doom. I must have sounded insane because while I was crying and sobbing, I couldn't help but hysterically laugh at the same time. S having the experience with crisis phone calls calmed me down. Then after a good 15 minutes of me cackling/crying "The ink...it's EVERYWHERE." S asked calmly... "Alright so what did we learn from this" I couldn't answer, and to be honest I don't remember if I said anything. I was in shock. I had just ruined an entire room with one quick snap of a pen...I bet you a damn butterfly was flapping it's wings somewhere...

I digress: Long story short after screaming like a three year old on the telephone with my sister, I hung up and found the extra paint for the walls and I am going to call my father early tomorrow to bring over supplies, to paint the walls QUICKLY...it doesn't help that we are selling the house. So much for no paint job required.

I will leave this post, to take a hot bath (which is probably what I should have done in the first place), and answer S's question from earlier: My friend B is right I shouldn't "hulk out" on pens again, especially if they are green, the irony would be too much to bear...